Dear Soldier Boy,

 As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today! How can I make him stay away?

Sincerely,
O. Gnash

Soldier Boy Sez...

I'm not really sure what the fuck you're talking about, but if you keep going on like that you shouldn't have any trouble keeping people away from you, you damned freak.