Dear Soldier boy,

I have this friend who drinks too much, swears too much, and fornicates constantly outside of wedlock and without the goal of procreation. How can I help this friend see the error of his ways and the path to salvation?

Yours in Christ,
Soul Samaritan in Salt Lake City.

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Soldier Boy Sez...

Does this guy you're talking about also beat the living shit out of any prissy little wise ass who tries to get smart with him? If he does, I think I know the guy. My advice to you is to never, ever, poke the bear.

Also, thank you very much for providing me with the name of your home city. Start running, bitch.